Staying motivated is key to a successful reboot. One of the main ways to suffer a relapse is by losing focus and by not having enough activities in place to fill the place that porn used to occupy.
It’s important to reflect on why you have been using porn so much so you can identify things in your life that you have been using porn to cope with. For example you might use porn when you’re bored, when you can’t sleep, when you are lonely or when you feel depressed or anxious. On Reboot Blueprint this is referred to as the “jobs” that porn used to do for you. Finding other ways to cope when porn isn’t there to do the “jobs” that it used to take care of is one of the most effective ways of ensuring you avoid relapsing.
It can help to get out the list you made of reasons for quitting and go over it when you feel tempted to lose focus. You might also want to start keeping a journal so you can write out how you feel and process difficulties as they come up. Brainbuddy is a great way to keep your motivation up because you can check in on the app and track your progress so you can see how far you’ve come.
Taking up new activities - especially exercise - can also really help to keep your motivation up. Feeling yourself getting physically healthier as you progress on your reboot can help your drive and focus, as well as helping give you an extra sense of achievement.
It can also help to find an accountability partner, or a friend you trust who you can check in with and who will offer you encouragement and support. Remember to reward yourself by celebrating your achievements with quitting porn by giving yourself validation as well. This is a key part of keeping yourself motivated. When you balance this with self-forgiveness and acceptance when you find things tough, you have a powerful tool to help you to keep motivated to overcome your porn addiction.
The trick is to keep an open mind and be willing to embrace changes and challenges. Mindfulness is one of the best ways of learning this mode of being because it does so much to help you accept how you are feeling, rather than trying to cover it up with activities that are unhealthy for you.
Try and find a balance between not giving yourself too hard a time, and not giving yourself too easy a time. This can be tricky, but on the whole you need to be able to reflect on what you’re experiencing and discover if you make excuses or pass responsibility for your porn use onto others things or people, or if you use self-hatred as a way of keeping yourself addicted. This means beating yourself up for lapses and allowing that to lead you into a downward spiral where you end up feeling you ‘might as well’ just keep using porn. Or it can mean giving yourself so many leniencies (such as three weeks worth of telling yourself “I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow…”) that you make no real effort to change.
Only you will know where your balance point is, and to find it you will need to really self-reflect and have the courage to be honest with yourself. Try to look at the process as a journey of learning more about who you really are and building your resilience. If you experience a set-back try to see it less as a failure and more as something that has taught you more about what to do differently as you progress.